As a trainer, I naturally think a lot about how I can help other people get to where they need to go, as well as how even tiny acts of kindness can motivate them to move forward with their goals. On the other hand, I've also learned, as a trainer, that some people just don't want to be helped.

They want to do everything themselves and the idea of reaching out to someone else for help will never be something that crosses their mind. Recently, as I was driving to this small town, I was texting my uncle, whom I was supposed to meet with about a project I'm going to do for him. He told me to text him once I was in the area and I did. The problem was, I had crossed over into this towerless town before I got a response and I didn't know where in the world to go! When I looked at my phone and saw that red flag, I could've thrown the thing out the window.

Instead, I pulled into a gas station. No change. I drove through the parking lot of an Italian eatery. Nothing. I finally pulled into the parking lot, stuck my phone up against the window of my driver door and then... two bars! I rested my arm on the door, typed with my right hand and once his response came back through, we were back in business and I knew where to go.

When it comes to training -- and even maintaining -- clients, sometimes you have to let them do the work to come to you. I know it sounds like a weird analogy, but when you truly want something, don't you work really hard to get it? If you're stranded and your vehicle won't start, don't you call someone to pick you up or let the person with the jumper cables literally "hook" you up? If you need directions from someone because you've made a commitment to be there and that's the only thing holding you back, don't you make a phone call? Don't you find your way on Mapquest or drive around until you have more information?

Training clients can sometimes feel like you're driving around aimlessly, with no cell service, no directions, just waiting for someone else to make the next move. It can be extremely frustrating. You tell someone what exercises to do, or what to eat or how they can do simple things to make life better and they spend countless hours telling you how they want to do it their way. Or they don't show up to sessions. Or they don't tell you what they really need from your time together. Sometimes you have to extend a hand; other times, you have to know when to keep walking or you just waste your time on someone who never wanted your help to begin with.

Recently, I returned to my native state, Indiana. And now that I'm back home, with friends, with family, with opportunities that I didn't know would come my way so quickly, I'm doing a lot of soul searching trying to decide how badly I want to help people who fight the process. If you have clients who really want your help, they will bend over backwards to work with you. They will "drive around aimlessly" awaiting further instructions. They will let you take their workout and "jump start" it when their way has failed them. They will sit back, let go of that control and let nature take its course. They will let you make them a new course.

When I was in real estate years ago, all of the veteran agents would pass along clients to me, the new kid, that they felt weren't serious about buying a home. Sure, every so often, I would get lucky and end up with a serious client, but the more I watched the professionals weed out the people who fought the process, the more I watched them succeed and the more I beat my head against the wall. For your new trainers out there, take a few months, or even a few years, and beat your head against the wall. You'll learn some valuable lessons from it. But at some point, it will all come together and you'll learn when you should put yourself in uncomfortable situations and when it's time to give up and go back to where you know you'll make a strong connection.

As much as we want to help people -- being the thoughtful, energetic trainers that we are -- we sometimes have to let people slip through the cracks. We can't make them want to do the work and we can't hold their hand through every obstacle. Sometimes the best thing you can do for them is let them find their own way. And if they don't, you can't beat yourself up for it.

When it comes to training, and life in general, you get out of it what you put into it. If you find yourself putting a lot into it and you never get anything in return then take a step back and put up the red flag. Tell them to do it their way and only call if it's an emergency. The more you weed out the people who aren't serious about the process, the more successful you'll be.

If all else fails, eat the humble pie, look like a weirdo and simply move on to the next thing. Trust me, I'm a professional at it.

About the Author

Sara Garrison has been a Certified Personal Trainer with the NFPT since March 2010. After working as a trainer for Gold's Gym in the Birmingham, AL, area from March - June, Sara started her own in-home training business, Garrison Personal Training, in July 2010. Sara is a member of the National Physique Committee (NPC) and was a participant in the first-ever Indianapolis Figure competition in 2001. She currently writes a fitness blog at www.garrisonpersonaltraining.blogspot.com 

 If you have any questions for Sara, please contact her at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or at the Garrison Personal Training page at www.facebook.com.

View the Author's Profile and other articles published in Personal Trainer Today.

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